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First Thought on 2016

Friday, 8 January 2016
Been a long time since my last post, geez, it’s 2016 already! Happy new year anyway! May this year bring us more good and prosperity, be kind and generous, ppl 

Nothing exciting I can share with you guys, but I have some random thoughts that I’ve keep in mind for quite some times. And since this is my favorite month of the year, yes, I always excited when it comes to my birthday, so I keep thinking, what have I done in the last 24 years? 

People usually say that I am stiff, and careless. It’s not that I was born like this, I made myself like this. I do know and realize how other’s people feel, how should I react to or how to be careful with words and actions. It just that sometimes, life doesn’t fit us well. We might meet people who are the opposite of us, they have their own mind, they have their own wants. And sometimes, people push you hard to be like what they wanted. Sometimes, you like or you don’t. For me, life is always an option. Whether you want to be good or you want to be a bad person. 

You granted their wish to change yourself, you’re good. You choose to be insubordination and JUST be yourself, you may be bad. It all matters, it’s all about a point of view. I’m such a simple ordinary person, which I prefer not to mess up with other’s people businesses. I was hoping that even in the slight moment, people would do the same for me. 

Because in the end, every step we take, there’s always a risk. I wonder why people keep messing their life. We may not live a day or two longer, so why bother for troublesome. So, I prefer to be myself, a stiff and careless person. I call it, a weapon, to face this suck life full of bullshit and annoying people. I let go my anger, because it doesn’t give me any good return anyway. I push away the tears and sadness, because it only prevent me for enjoy some happiness. 

I believe every move has its own reasons. Before you mistaken somebody, go introspect yourself first. What have you done till that person act like that to you? Maybe you hurt them long time ago, or maybe you always judged by them so you prefer to keep your distance. Believe me, I know that feelings. And we can’t avoid it either, and we don’t have anywhere to go. I, honestly, don’t know how to overcome this thing, too. 

Because I still stuck in this situation, probably for my entire life. And since every little step I take is always risky and wrong, I can’t change myself, right? So maybe a little hope might work. I stop believing for some unreasonable wishes. Or maybe you can say, I stop my pray. It’s been a long time since I face to face with Him, not because I don’t trust in God anymore. Because I keep feeling I don’t deserve Him, I ask too much, I can’t stop myself from complaining and whining and being ungrateful, I waste my time for unnecessary things, even I blaming Him for every bad things that happened in my life lately. I have this unwillingness in my mind that stop me for praying. And I need some times to figure it out, to clear up my mind.

In my 24 years of life, I surrounding by people I love the most, my mom, my hubby, my son, family, friends and my office mates. I’m glad that in this early age, I almost got everything I wanted. I have my own family and house (re: apartment) to live, I have a stable job and make my own money, too. But as human being, I still can’t stop until here, right? 

I still want more and more. I always want to set my career path, or build my own business(es). I want to be the best mom and wife, too. This sounds possible as long as I set my mind to it. But again, I am a realistic person. I may try my best, but sometimes, we don’t always get what we want. So, I will just let it flow. I know of what I am capable or not, I believe for everything I’ve got is what I’ve deserve ^^

Anyway, I’m going 24 in a couple days. And Dee already has a plan for our family (yay!). I can’t stop saying how lucky I am to have a hubby like him, who always put me first above everything :)
And surely, he knows how to make me happy. I can’t tell you yet, but I promise to post our family plan for my birthday this year. So, stay tune?
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